From Sasha: My boyfriend and I decided to take a step back in our relationship after I said I love you a few weeks ago. He says I am invested in the relationship more than him. I hate holding back my feelings so he can catch up, how long should I wait?
Ben says: Maybe you jumped the gun a little….or he needs to catch up. If he is willing to go on, then wait as long as it takes.
Shannon says: It is possible that you are more invested in the relationship than him because he has mixed feelings about it. Maybe you two moved too fast into the relationship and you are the kind of person who is straight forward and tells it like it is and right now what you are feeling is love for him. But you have to think about the possibility that he may never catch up, although I feel like you might be looking at it wrong and with catching up you imply that he will eventually feel the same about you that you do about him. I think that if he was ready to take a step back, then you need to do the same. You really have to look at why you love him and if you really do. Love is such a hard emotion because it doesn’t have a permanent definition and is left up to individual interpretation. You have to face the fact that you are broken up in reality, and in your emotional mind, to face the truth that this might be the end of your relationship.
From Richard: I really like this girl, but she has already told me she doesn’t want anything serious, and with the end of the year coming up we won’t see each other for a long time. Should I try to change her mind?
Ben says: Since you’re not in an invested relationship, I would say no. But you could always try; the worst that could happen is that she doesn’t respond to your wooing.
Shannon says: No, I think that even spending a lot of time with her so close to the end of the year might not be that good for you. If you spend all your time in these last few weeks trying to get her to try long distance you will miss out on all of the other things that you could be doing and making memories with people you are actually going to stay in touch with. I don’t think you should purposely ignore her, but you should not go searching for her. If this is it and she knows how you feel and nothing has come out of it then I think it is time that you move on, because nothing is going to happen. There is no reason to get all caught up in it wondering what you could have done different or whatnot; it is a waste of your time.